Please check out the above photo. That is literally my life, however, I spend most of my time with my Starbucks unsecurely balanced on top of my organizer as I try and get in the car. What could be better than this amazing little number? In my opinion, nothing. Check out the Beverage Caddi and please order one for me while you’re at it because I LOVVVVVVVVVE it. Toodles!

A little while ago, my friend asked me if I have a gift closet. My immediate answer was "No." But then after thinking about it for a second, I asked myself what exactly did I call that shelf where my keys are that houses fun gifts at the ready? Well, I guess it’s a gift closet/shelf. Since I seem to be the go to girl lately for hostess gifts, I think that this gift shelf deal fits right in line with my advice lately. But not just any gift shelf after all, because this is TPG Worldwide you’re dealing with.

I don’t know about you, but getting/giving a bottle of wine (except in special instances where the person really covets a certain kind of wine) is B-O-R-I-N-G. I am not saying that I have not drunk every ounce of liquified booze I have ever been given, because I have done so gleefully, but I’m just saying there are so many more options. Just get yourself a gift shelf.

In stock right now is a ton of stuff from a great company called Knock, Knock. Their stuff is HYSTERICAL. They have really ridiculous file folders marked: Tomorrow, Someday, Never (and you check the appropriate box). They have Post-It’s with similar pathetic messages. You have to check out their site: www.KnockKnock.biz for a ton of great ideas and stores that carry the stuff. I think a delightful hostess gift is one of their Menu Binders because you can organize all of your restaurant menus and junk by type of cuisine (whether they be takeout or not.) There stuff is not expensive and depending on how well you know (and like) the recipient, you can get a stack of their goodies and just gift a single item or put a bunch of them together. I like this line because it works for both men and women. Check out my new favorite thing - The Savvy Convert’s Guide to Choosing A Religion. Absolutely perfectly obnoxious.

I am really trying to embrace the green thing in my own way. One of my favorite places to shop is at the museum store at the Metrolpolitan Museum of Art in NYC - painfully fabulous! Recently I spotted this handbag and had to find out more. Of course this genius has made these Luci bags with 1500 recyclable pull tabs. I would freakin’ wear this number to the Oscars I love it so much. It’s 100% runway ready. Also check out the Chica Rosa - ADORABLE in champagne. Speaking of, I think I’ll have a glass.

I am forced to interrupt my normally scheduled daily programming of my life to blog. On Monday after visiting my trainer, I blogged about the Whole Foods people and my inability to stay out of my SUV or their cookie bin. Today, I go to my trainer (first time since this ill-fated adventure) and, as you can imagine, I do not exactly feel fabulous. I mean, I am still a nursing mother, trying to get the remainder of this baby weight off and I have to deal with this latest encounter. Upon seeing the trainer, she immediately launches into the fact that she has been soooooo busy that she has dropped down to like 119 pounds and just can’t keep the weight on. Oh, mother of G–. Who the hell wants to hear that?! She’s already like 6′ tall to begin with, blonde and long legged. In fact, she has to wear those ankle straps on her fancy shoes that the rest of us have to avoid to "bulk up the look of her ankles" (too thin.) What in God’s green land (excuse the use of the Lord’s name in vain here but I am desperate) does she think an announcement about being too busy to gain any weight is going to do for me? And too busy doing what? Trying on her size 0’s? Going to the tailor to see if they can nip and tuck for thin people? Shut the h— up.

I am consuming super foods and high fiber foods and low carbohydrates until the cows come home. I am trying to flush, jump and fat-free my way into my fat jeans as fast as possible. I’ve got more blueberries in my fridge than the whole state of Vermont and this yo yo can’t f—ing remember to eat? Who can’t remember to eat? Forget to eat? I haven’t forgotten to eat since 1969 when I didn’t know how good chocolate tasted. Speaking of, in my depression, I ran home and consumed the rest of my back up dark chocolate bar. And you want to know what? The back up bar only has 50% pure cocoa. I thought the Whole Foods people were rotten? They are geniuses, it’s Trader Joe’s now I’m after and their 50% cocoa mishap that I just digested. Please tell me where the 95% cocoa bars that Dr. Oz and everyone are eating live so I can go and git me some.

Let me just tell you skinny women something: NONE of the rest of us are interested in your evil plight, nor inability to keep the pounds on. It’s the equivalent of some guy gloating to his posse that his johnson’s so big he needs specially tailored underpants. There is no good outcome that’s going to come of this. And yes, I know my trainer is going to read this, and I’m sorry but us fat people need you anorexics to get some online sensitivity training. That is if you can manage to take a class while trying to keep your blasted self nourished. And how was YOUR day?

OK, big surprise, LA gets an earthquake. (Check out CalTech’s website for the details although I’m shocked the site hasn’t crashed in this crisis.) In a town with no weather, thank goodness we have earthquakes because there wouldn’t be anything else to talk about in the summer when school’s out. So yes, L.A. had a 5.8 (some are saying 5.4) earthquake centered in Chino Hills today. I was working an event in the middle of a handbag auction when the whole place started to shake, gorgeous purses and all, mothers were screaming for their children, not because their children were at the party actually, but they were unable to reach the myriad of nannies battening down our homes. I swear to you I am not joking. Anyway, we’re all ok but evidently there is one building in La La land that has been damaged because it’s the only photo they are showing across the news.

The real devastation came when I realized that the Dr. Phil Show I Tivo’d with this woman who might have a serial killer for a husband was preempted so now I have no tape. No news on when the show will air again and I am extremely upset, to say the least. I was sure that my two year old would’ve been on the ceiling with the whole thing but I returned home, post handbag party, to find out that the housekeeper didn’t even know anything happened. And how was YOUR day?

(Robyn and Katharine, I’ll call you later with the full report of Earthquake: Los Angeles, Death and Destruction; I’m heading out to a meeting. xo)

P.S. The photo above is like from Cambodia or somewhere. I just used it today for dramatic effect.