As a lot of you know I recently went to a family reunion in Ohio. This was trying for many reasons.
The reasons include but are not limited to the following:
* I get very confused as to where Ohio is and think it’s like a 2-hour flight, thus I get antsy when I forget to buy adequate snacks, magazines, etc at the airport.
* The hotel situation. I would rather camp in dirt with every kind of bug and spider imaginable than stay in a challenged hotel. Because the reunion was in the small town where my Mom grew up, the hotel options were, shocker, limited. Oh, this place tried, but there were a few teeth missing among the staff and let’s just say that fruit on demand was not an option.
* Traffic. There was none, the natives thought it was miserable. Um, what was the miserable part? The traffic consisted of 3 cars at a light instead of 2.
* My Mother. I love her. I love her, love her, love her, let me count the ways. However, lots of time was spent…
– Recounting details of the house where the after prom party from her Freshman year was where she made her dress, (probably out of tablecloths from silk worms she fed and raised).
– Shhhhing me (CONTINUOUSLY) because “this is a small town!!!!!” Shocker! I know! You’ve mentioned that four thousand times! There is only one stop light! There are fields of corn and stuff everywhere! I get it! But I wasn’t saying anything bad! I just asked if my grandfather’s friend was still alive! I didn’t say you killed him! I didn’t say he was a philanderer! I just wanted to know if he had a HEARTTTTTBEAT!!! It’s going to be OK!! Everyone in the diner will recover from the question!!!!
But what I loved was better. The reasons include but are not limited to the following:
* Midwesterners are so unbelievably, freakin’ nice. I had a mascara crisis and people came out of the woodwork.
* Corn. I love corn fields and I really love corn. I saw lots of it for sale, but not a lot of it made it to my restaurant meals, because…
* …I was focused on the hot dogs. I ate so many hot dogs from that little Hot Dog Shoppe (this involved more prom stories, shhhhhshing! and carbs that I did not need.)
* The pace. No one was in a rush. Not aaaaaattttt alllll. Noooooo rush. People were verrrrrrrrryyyyyyy gracious and melllllllowwwwww. The fact that I could’ve been in cardiac arrest because of all of those hot dogs would not have posed a problem for anyone in Ohio. They would’ve given me a little fresh lemonade, had me lie down and someone would go see if a doctor was available. Maybe in Florida. Florida should have a doctor. Let’s drive down and see. I could just sit tight. No stress there.
* Porches. Maybe that’s why everyone in Ohio is so nice and happy. They have porches. They can sit on the porch and talk (drink), get to know each other and relax. Maybe that’s what I need. Maybe I need me a little porch time with some corn and lemonade (hold the hotdogs) and I could relax. Breathe a sigh of relief. Watch the corn sway and the sun set.
So what’s the bottom line? More of us should hang out in Ohio. Maybe if I went to Ohio a little more often I would be able to finish what I start, be slower, kinder and nicer in general to others and maybe even myself. Now THAT’S a unique concept!
P.S. Sammy Sammy, I promised you and Mama a good blog. Hope this covers it. Cheers to Malawi and all of the good that’s going to come from that trip!
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